September 12th
The last week I felt as though I was beginning to like Bolivia, I felt as though the culture shock was lessening and I was becoming more used to this country. Then Friday at work something horrible happened which really shook me. I was out in the garden for the first time with a group of 3 kids and one supervisor. The supervisor went inside for no more than 5 minutes. While she was inside I started hearing people yelling on the other side of the fence where a road is. I thought someone may have cut someone off and they were arguing. I didn't want to get involved especially since it didn't involve me and at the time I believed it didn't involve the harm of another individual. The yelling got louder and louder though and it sounded like more people were involved. I couldn't see what was going on from where I was so I started to walk over to see if it was necessary to call the police. While I was walking over, a woman on the other side of the fence ran up beside me and tried to explain what was going on. I couldn't understand her and just told her I only speak English. She seemed really frustrated about that. Then a few people from inside my work came running out and I heard one of the people say “a kid here” (in Spanish) that's when I started getting worried. When I got to the spot where everyone was there was a group of people surrounding a man on the other side they had all blocked in his car so he couldn't leave. Apparently he had lured one of the kids from my work to the fence where he molested her through the fence. I'm not sure where she was supposed to be, I know she wasn't part of the group that was in the garden and I didn't know she was outside when it happened, but I feel absolutely inadequate and incapable. I was the only volunteer/supervisor outside at the time and I let the yelling go on for a long time before I walked over to see what was going on. The people were yelling for help from someone from my work but I couldn't understand them and so couldn't do anything. Before this program I probably would have walked over right away but since this program started I feel as though my values and beliefs have been completely shaken. Since I am in a foreign country I have tried to make a point not to force my beliefs on anyone here. It is a completely different place and people think much differently than I. Because of this though I feel completely immobilized. Everything I do I question the ethics behind it. I don't know when I should interfere and when I should just go along with the culture of the country. Obviously what happened Friday had nothing to do with the culture of the country and since it involved the safety of another human-being, interference was mandatory.
After work I met the rest of the group in the plaza and we walked around with our signs, denouncing violence against women. It was a very fitting time for me and even though I couldn't do anything that morning, I felt as though I was at least doing something during the “protest”. The response we got was amazing, it was mostly positive (except for some completely ignorant people, some who had the nerve to whistle or cat call at us and others who had the nerve to flat out say they disagreed with protesting against violence) and the media came. An interviewer tried to ask me some questions but I was still shook up from the morning and told him I didn't speak Spanish at all which was fine, they just found someone else. Then another interviewer tried to ask me some questions and I was caught off guard so I answered the first question. Then I couldn't understand the next ones that came at me and I got really nervous and told them I couldn't speak Spanish. They kept trying to ask me questions so I had to walk away. I felt so so horrible that I couldn't even have a simple conversation with someone. I feel so behind everyone else and so inadequate.
That night I went to a party at one of the girls houses but went home fairly early. The next morning I went with Ally to her school to watch some soccer games. I was surprised when we got there and they were playing on a basketball court. Most people play soccer on basketball courts here but for tournaments I assumed they would play on a field. Anyways it was fun and I got to meet some of her friends which was nice. I even managed to have a conversation with one and he didn't even seem to get bored. Although I'm pretty sure he was incredibly smitten. He was filling up my cup with coke and drawing hearts around me when I had my back turned. Did I mention he had just turned 17? It was fun though and it boosted my confidence a little bit, although by the end I couldn't understand any Spanish because my head hurt so much. After that I went to a lake with some of the family. We went with some cousins, aunts and uncles. It was pretty fun, Ally didn't go but I got to spend some time alone with the family. Most of the time I feel as though Ally expects so much more from me than I can possibly give. I will never be a sister to her like I know she wants. We are two very different people and it is unfortunate that our views clash and much of the time even when we understand the language, we don’t understand why the person is saying what they are. It is so evident that we come from completely different life experiences. I think a little bit of it is because of the countries. I think in Canada I have had more of a chance to grow as an independent person. Living on my own for a year really had changed me and made me less dependent on others. Here in Bolivia there doesn't seem to be much of a push for women to be independent. I remember one conversation I had with one of my house mothers friends about Canada. She asked if there were women in Canada without husbands or boyfriends. I said of course, there are tons! Women don't need men in Canada anymore than men need women (key word is need, of course a lot of people want someone to be with). She was so surprised and said she was moving to Canada now! Also here, a lot of women don't leave the house until they are married, again enforcing the idea that women need men. Therefore Ally and I are very very different. There is a 3 year age difference which doesn’t seem like much with some people but between her and I it's as big as the world. She is very dependent on her family and her mom whereas I find it difficult to spend so much time with a family, especially one that is not my own. I am trying to accept the fact that we are incredibly different and that we need to make an effort just to get along on a day to day basis. I believe Ally thinks that no relationship should require this much work and doesn’t understand why we would have to work to make the relationship bearable. I feel as though a lot of the weight is on my shoulders because her and her family believe I should fall into their mould of a daughter or sister. Don't get me wrong I've been trying to fit in and am determined to try even harder the next month and a half but it is hard with this huge language and cultural barrier. I guess that's one of the main points of the program. Learning how to connect and communicate with people with more than just words. On the plus side the kittens are alive! The family has been feeding them table scraps. They are adorable! I'm so happy the choice was made to keep them.
Today I'm going to a soccer game at the stadium. It's Orient against Bloomin, I guess it's a pretty big game so it should be great. We bought the cheapest tickets we could (they were only 30 bolivianos which is around 3.50 Canadian but considering I have almost no money for the next 4 months I'm being as cheap as possible! It seems like it's going to be another super hot day and a lot of my clothes I brought are black! As much as it's kind of uncomfortable I know I'm going to miss the heat when I get to Canada just as much as I miss the snow right now!
Yesterday was a really good day, and I am determined to have another good day today. I've resorted to taking one day at a time, if I try to have a good week I'm almost destined to fail. I just have to remember there are a lot of things here I can't control. I have to focus on the things I can control like my relationship with Ally and her family. Hopefully this week will be the break through week!